"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance.The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break." -Chinese proverb

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Grieving- day 6

Wrote this last night but the internet stopped working so posted this morning.

Today wasn't a very exciting day so I didn't get many pictures. It was raining most of the day so we didn't have as many options for fun things to do.  Erik wanted to work out in the hotel gym (insane, right?!) so the kids and I went to the little playroom for a while. After that, Ella, Charlotte and I went to Starbucks for a little bonding while Erik and the "twins" did a little workout in the room because Ethan was super ticked that he was too young to go to the gym with Erik. Charlotte continues to love sweets so we got macaroons at Starbucks and they were a huge hit!

In the afternoon, we had to go to the police station to apply for Charlotte's passport. It was oddly fun but only because Charlotte was in an amazing mood for some unknown reason while we were there. I was wearing her in the carrier and she was just being silly and smiling tons. I could get giggles out of her if I tickled her face with my hair, gave her tiny kisses all over her face, or gave her zerberts. She has to be in the right mood and she was. She would stick her tongue out, purse her lips or make some silly face and I'd copy her and she'd giggle. So stinking cute!

Tonight, our guide wanted to take us to a local Cantonese restaurant. He didn't expect the kids to like very much because apparently most kids from families like ours have ended up eating white rice with soy sauce but our kids surprised him by loving everything! I was so proud of them! I have to say, they are all amazing about being adventurous and trying new things! They might not like everything but they're super open to trying everything and I love them for it!

During dinner, Charlotte was not herself and wasn't really eating much. She was just kind of slumped in her chair, staring away from us. She usually eats everything really well but not at all tonight. Then, she started squirming so I got her out of her chair because she was about to fall out. Then, she screamed. And screamed. I was so embarrassed because everyone was just staring at me. I took her out of the restaurant because she was not going to stop anytime soon.  Outside, everyone looked at me like I was a kidnapper. It was awful. She was trying to squirm and get away from me and I didn't know what to do so I just walked around, trying to keep her from falling out of my arms. Eventually, she stopped squirming and just continued to wail. After she stopped fighting me, I started to feel sad for her because I knew that she was grieving. She was missing Harmony House and everyone in it. It is so hard.  I know that we will get through this and that she will eventually love us but right now, she misses her nanny and her friends and I'm the one that took her from them. Poor baby finally cried herself out and fell asleep and we all walked back to the hotel, in the rain.  It's not easy being an adoptive mom when your child is pushing you away because you're the woman. They call the nannies "mama" so how is she supposed to understand what "mama" means and that I'm not another nanny? We  have a long road ahead of us.  I know that grieving is a healthy sign because it means that she was attached to someone and that is a sign that she is capable of attaching to us. In the mean time, please pray for her little heart to heal and open up to us and pray for us as it hurts our hearts when she rejects us.  Most of the day, she does well but she is very serious most of the time. Her happy moments are wonderful and precious but she has a long way to go. Nights seem to be the hardest, which makes sense because she is exhausted and just wants what is familiar. Poor little girl. 

Now for the pics...

Starbucks date

Haha! I didn't even know about this one
Walking to the Cantonese restaurant in the rain

 Sweet, exhausted baby and frenzied, exhausted mama after grief


  1. I am so sorry. I can't imagine how hard that was or how hard certain moments will be but I can't think of a better family to nurse her through this. I know you know that but I'm crying and I want to give you a hug and I can't so what you get is me telling you things you already know! LOL. I am praying for all of you and thinking about you all every second.

  2. I just noticed that every time I post it's coming up as jaa2754! Ahh!! It's me- Jenni!! LOL.

  3. And I just want to add one more thing! LOL. There is so much more I want to say but I feel like it would be annoying in a comment. Just know that a big fat hug and Starbucks is anxiously awaiting your return and all I want to do is hear about every detail, even the not so fun stuff.

    1. ARGH! I swear I replied to this! Anyways, Jenni! I knew it was you because you are the sweetest! Thank you for your support! You are the best!