Today, our pastor gave a great sermon called Belonging. He spoke about early in his marriage when he would question his wife about why she loved him. No answer that she gave was good enough. One night, he asked her again and she told him, "I just do, now shut up and go to sleep." He prayed about it and felt God's answer was, "I know why she loves you, the same reason I do. Because you belong to me." A couple of things hit me when I heard this story. One, how poor Erik can probably relate to our pastor's wife. I've asked him the same question many times. The second thing was that this is exactly the thing that I'm so worried about getting across to our new daughter. The thing about adopting a toddler is, more than likely, she will have attachment issues and struggle with grieving the life she's known all this time, no matter what it may be like. I don't know who she is yet but I already feel that love for her. The love of a mom for her child. I've asked Erik if he thinks that it's possible to love her yet or if I'm just crazy. He says he thinks it's possible but he may just be being kind. But I know she's out there and I know that God knows who she is and has chosen us to be her forever family. She belongs to us. I think today's sermon gave me the confidence to believe that yes, I really can and do love her, just like I loved Ella and Ethan the second I knew that they were growing inside of me.
Here's a poem that I love and have read many times on this adoption journey:
Not flesh of my flesh,
nor bone of my bone,
but still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
you didn't grow under my heart,
but in it.