Goodbye China...almost (day 14)

In a few hours, we will be hopping on our train to Hong Kong and then flying back to the good ol' USA tomorrow morning.  I feel excitement to be going back home, dread for the long travel back, sadness for leaving the birthplace and home of our beautiful new daughter, and hope that our life as a family of five will gain some normalcy once we settle back in at home.  There have been so many ups and downs on this trip but we have been so blessed for how well it has gone.  I can't believe our journey to Liana is almost over however our journey with Liana is just beginning.  I'm so excited to see how she blossoms and how she adjusts to having a forever family.  She has changed so much from the day we got her.  She's walking much better and getting stronger every day, she eats more easily and isn't always holding a bite in her mouth when we're done, she smiles all the time, she gives us a little bit of sass, she teases Erik all the time, she grabs my finger to drag me around new places and she's learning so many new words.  She can already say mama, baba, Ella, ge ge (big brother), more, no, and that.  She's adjusting so well and gaining so much confidence but it's not all sunshine and roses.  As well as she's doing, I feel something lacking in how she is with me.  She seems to trust me and know that I will fulfill her needs but I sometimes just feel like I'm just another "mama" in a long line of mamas that she has had.  I know, that's to be expected at this point but it's not easy.  We knew that this would be the case because she's never had a family before.  She's had countless nannies and this is all new to her.  We can't explain that we are her mommy and daddy and we will be forever and ever.  Well, we can and we do but she can't understand that yet.  I have been surprised to see that her bond with Ella and Ethan is slow-going.  Ella dotes on her all day long and just loves her so much but Liana could take her or leave her at this point, which makes me sad for Ella.  Ethan is having a very tough time.  He is pretty angry about this new child coming into the family and it breaks my heart.  We walk this balance of needing to discipline him for how he treats Liana to wanting to just hug him up and tell him that we love him just as much as we ever did.  So, we do both.  It's been tough on him.  He hasn't really traveled anywhere and this trip in itself would be tough on anyone but then, losing his spot as "the baby", gaining a sister and a large scar on the back of his head, it's no wonder it has been tough for him.  I asked Erik yesterday if there has been any times that he has regretted bringing the kids.  I held my breath as I waited for his answer, which was no and it's the same for me.  We knew that it would be hard and in some ways it has been harder but in many ways, it's actually been easier than we expected.  Life is changing big-time for us and for them and we are glad that they were there from the start.  I can almost say that we survived but there's the whole going home thing yet to come so we'll see if we survive that. :-)  I'm thankful for everyone's comments to me on this blog, it has felt like a piece of home in this strange place and I can't tell you all how much those comments meant to me and how much I needed the encouragement and support.  Thanks for reading and following along with our journey.  I promise to post again as soon as I can once we are home.

Not too exciting but here are a few pics from today...

Blankie, Corduroy bear and his thumb...he's needing a lot of comfort these days

Who would have ever thought Ella's Lovey would go to China?  Filthy thing looks like she's seen it all

Another pretty church in Guangzhou